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Philanthia & the Chaos Rose

by A Flower in Disguise

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1.
Half God 03:36
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The time before, not nostalgia warped There was something I can’t recover, it’s now unearthed I can’t remember before I want to return to it I can’t remember before the hurt, was it first? I closed my eyes Half god parting the realms Breaking horns, dulling the shine Pulling saber’s teeth I want to like it the times but I don’t want your flesh, and your body will humble itself I want your soul, I’m on a mission I want the depths To the world beneath the sea Will pass this test for me? Make your sacrifices Push your threshold Half god, I’ll raise you The time before not nostalgia warped Before they told you who you were Unlimited, so sure Before they told you of archetypes Wouldn’t that be nice Before the idols, the bibles, no role models Tucking the moon away I’ll fulfill you in challenge I’ll match you in triumph I want meaning Even if it means ending The real things Not just fine The time before, not nostalgia warped There was something There was something Half god parting the realms Breaking horns, dulling the shine Pulling saber’s teeth I want to like it the times but I don’t want your flesh, and your body will humble itself I want your soul, I’m on a mission I want the depths To the world beneath the sea Will pass this test for me? Make your sacrifices Push your threshold Half god, I’ll raise you
2.
Anchor 05:01
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Losing the will, you’ve made the bounds Living unattached Willing through the limits Just the simple things stripped down to the bone Deciding my waking moments There’s a shroud over me Invisible a radius of separation Losing the will, you’ve made the bounds Still at the surface, emotion made me blind But the gutless is rising, I need control Secure me, something to hold A chance to say no, to never go, never go To never return, happily disappearing They can’t find me, no they can’t follow a clue Left before for I could be abandoned or forgotten No showing up unannounced Torture living under, under and under you This body an anchor for an overactive mind Charismatic like a switchblade Cut the rope, let me go Hope because a noose, cut me loose Losing the will, you’ve made the bounds Too weak to reach out There are secrets in my mouth I can’t let out and pennies for wishes I wouldn’t whisper even to myself Down now to the bowels of the salt swallowed In the ocean, guess the wallows Willing through the limits Just the simple things stripped down to the bone Deciding my waking moments There’s a shroud over me Invisible a radius of separation Losing the will, living unattached You’ve made the bounds But the gutless is rising Left before for I could be abandoned or forgotten No showing up unannounced Torture living under, under, and under you This body an anchor for an overactive mind Charismatic like a switchblade Cut the rope, let me go Hope because a noose, cut me loose
3.
Hellbent 03:39
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Make it count, calculated Like the others didn’t The time is mine now Count, because the others weren’t worth it Earn it, hellbent Like I’m out of love It hurt but I didn’t bleed My head is aching Cutting my tongue with my teeth Offering no pain relief I never had it to lose To hold on to To call it back Give me a tomorrow I can look forward to It’s not enough just to wake up, wake up Like I’m out of love An empty battery Maybe life’s a scam Don’t be mad at me Don’t be mad at me No, no, Cinderella story Not buying it like the ones before me Show me your scars of glory, of glory There’s no king in me No throne like heavens empty Strictly business Earn it, hellbent Like I’m out of love It hurt but I didn’t bleed My head is aching Cutting my tongue with my teeth Offering no pain relief I never had it to lose To hold on to To call it back Break your neck exquisite Twist the knife funny isn’t it Happiness doesn’t exist At least not while I live Trapped in a prison, my skin Victory
4.
Blood Flower 03:45
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The bees dying, still sting The bees dying Will soon be long dead and gone With the moment, now gone How will they find you? What good, what function is a hallow hive Now the buzz replaced by quiet, nightly There’s blood in this flower, honey No fighting for a time that won’t last Can’t you believe my time is now Or else you’ll be passed by Never to feel so alive again Such a short attention span Oh, too soon to die Invigorated temporarily So superficial and material No, you can’t believe the hype Like the smoke before the fire Indebted to the ones who made you The ones who claim you, own you oh But slow and steady I go Embracing the agonies of glory I don’t look up Just ahead with a mirror to my front Guarding my back, tracing my steps So, I never look back The bees dying, still sting The bees Will soon be long dead and gone With the moment, now gone How will they find you? What good, what function is a hallow hive Now the buzz replaced by quiet, nightly There’s blood in this flower, honey
5.
Perennial Arms 04:20
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Saving my energy, internally Sleeping with swords under my pillow So much work they can’t see To invest wisely If I listen long enough, they’ll confide in me They’ll guide me Make the way clear So, I move without hesitation or fear Drawn back the bow Still, still don’t let it go, training The hands of the past tense with busy work Recharging the present of conflict of pragmatism and stoicism The future of ambiguity where all the ends meet, where all the ends meet Karma commanding me In the cycles I see, training So many seasons of change What I was given What I’ve done What I’ve done Withstanding but it looks like nothing Zero to one, bare handed versus a gun Saving my energy, internally Sleeping with swords under my pillow So much work they can’t see To invest wisely If I listen long enough, they’ll confide in me They’ll guide me Make the way clear So, I move without hesitation or fear What I was given What I’ve done What I’ve done Withstanding but it looks like nothing Zero to one, bare handed versus a gun To be light as a feather when my heart is weighed The hands of the past tense with busy work Recharging the present of conflict of pragmatism and stoicism The future of ambiguity where all the ends meet, where all the ends meet Karma commanding me In the cycles I see, training Empty handed to be rich at the grave The diamond of my heart carried over, and over 
6.
My Haunting 04:05
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When it’s over read the wear on my bones of my work, my work I want to draw blood, blood let The tears did the purging The water I couldn’t make light Of the hours engulfed in thoughts That put shadows on the walls The heart keeps calling I crave the taste of blood I could burst with passion and such divinity Self afflicted I craft new tumult A distress signal to carry me to safety They’ll know I’ve found peace beyond desolation Life in the eyes of the reaper, oh angel To rip off your wings and replace you When it’s over read the wear on my bones of my work, my work I crave the taste of blood I want to draw again blood, blood let The heat and the pain The tears did the purging The water I couldn’t make light Of the hours ingulfed in thoughts That put shadows on the walls When it’s over read the wear on my bones of my work, my work I crave the taste of blood I want to draw again, this time a new hand Your turn to withstand again blood, blood let The heat and the pain The tears did the purging The water I couldn’t make light Of the hours engulfed in thoughts That put shadows on the walls Come lay with my haunting I’ll give you the triggers and I’ll be the weapon No smoke The heart keeps calling I crave the taste of blood I could burst with passion and such divinity Self afflicted I craft new tumult A distress signal to carry me to safety They’ll know I’ve found peace beyond desolation Life in the eyes of the reaper, oh angel To rip of your wings and replace you
7.
Night Terrors 04:49
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Your gaze is heavy, Trojan horse Teaming, day & night, no light, no light Day after day, each hour lurking Dark horse, the odd one out It’s coming on quick I tried to sleep it off You call it harmless But I’m on the line Of my heart breaking out of my chest Breaking out in a sweat Stop the night terrors Endless invaders, the trade of skin The firing, the worst case So, I handle my conscious with care Threatens every scenario Day & night, no light, no light The odd one out It’s coming on quick I tried to sleep it off Waiting for the ax to drop Call the guillotine off Cauterize the flow, flowing I’m so open, in flight The hysteria aside, I’m clear, no fear Passion so bloody it’s running with my tears The extremes pervaded Well rounded, a home built on peace is all I ask And silence from all around From the fragments of the ruins, please trust The barred windows to keep me safe The barred windows holding me back Endless invaders, the trade of skin The firing, the worst case So, I handle my conscious with care Threatens every scenario A view of the dwindling I double and triple check, orderly recking I tried to sleep it off Waiting for the ax to drop Call the guillotine off Cauterize the flow, flowing I’m so open, in flight
8.
Alchemy 03:27
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Your devil called my angel, upside down Peeking from beneath a sky of lava Oh, hell’s angels roam this daylight Casting you still and watching your eyes roll back So close to heaven like that Knocking door to door but no answer There’s a strange flower in the garden Blooming with its petals in the earth Devoid of love or hate, roots upturned The world seems hardened Your devil called my angel, upside down Peeking from beneath a sky of lava Oh, hell’s angels roam this daylight Casting you still and watching your eyes roll back So close to heaven like that The one with its head in the ground, indifferent Surrounded by shroom clouds Today this drinking bird aims to draw back more than a wet beak These days are meager There must be more than this Again, like a swan plunging to draw back more than this Out of strikes No answer, unfurled a new being From what they called a grave Caped a bloodless womb Slept many moons Devouring the earth’s core By each finger, by each element Nothings left as it was found I am to be remembered
9.
Mode 03:32
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I keep myself sealed To be chosen To be loved by you By one The desire accosting To possess? Kept to myself Confused to have and hold There is an animal, there is an animal Who wants the indescribable, to mark There is a conscious Who wants the consideration Can’t remove either from us So, do your best to win both modes I give you my worst Bring out the best The desire accosting To possess? Kept to myself Confused to have and hold There is an animal, there is an animal Who wants the indescribable, to mark There is a conscious Who wants the consideration Can’t remove either from us So, do your best to win both modes By one To be loved by you To be chosen I keep myself
10.
Idyllic Chords 04:32
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Idyllic one hand on each other’s heart No vowels could ever tie us tighter than the chords We’re already bound together with No blade could break its strength We’ve been apart too long Who knows in God’s time? It feels like eons of watching darkness I’m tired of waking up without you I’m tired of waking up alone Abandoned from yet another dream of you Refreshed in your residual I’d endure many lifetimes more To be reunited with you again One day, just one day, one year It seems forbidden now Hurt by the fleeting All day I look forward to sleep Seeking you out like a lost spot in a book Where I wait again to find the word So, we can begin again Where we left off Painted inside my eyelids So vivid was your warmth Synched my heart to yours So pure was the feeling Higher than ever before Dancing on the moon We’ve been apart too long Who knows in God’s time? It feels like eons of watching darkness I’m tired of waking up without you I’m tired of waking up alone Abandoned from yet another dream of you All day I look forward to sleep Seeking you out like a lost spot in a book Where I wait again to find the word So, we can begin again Where we left off Painted inside my eyelids So vivid was your warmth Synched my heart to yours So pure was the feeling Higher than ever before Dancing on the moon
11.
When they Visit in the Dark 04:42
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9 swords of premonition, the subconscious sent them By 10 it was too late, the pit was made The clocks tick harmonious with the pendulum Cutting the endless air Fog devoured the watchtowers view To see the angels fall To feel the gravity of it all And a healer with a fortitude to harm The front lines aren’t strong The strengths and the weaknesses mingling can’t be deciphered The things they that they love about you will turn to things they hate So, I can’t tell the angels and the demons apart When they visit in the dark Coming from the water, the bridge, elms, and pine Speaking as intuition Manmade to fall with time Back in the quarry Everything down to a science Carried away by irrational fear The same sort of the passion that brought you here 9 swords of premonition, the subconscious sent them By 10 it was too late, the pit was made The clocks tick harmonious with the pendulum Cutting the endless air Fog devoured the watchtowers view To see the angels fall To feel the gravity of it all So, I can’t tell the angels and the demons apart When they visit in the dark When they visit in the dark At the foot of the bed At your shoulder, looking over The corner of your eye Someone passing by A strange light A creak in the quiet Never mind it
12.
Wish for Death 03:38
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A table set for meeting The shapeshifter leading, a bear to maul No alters agreeing at antics for achieving So many ways to reach one goal Streams broke the road Never trust a Mercury in Scorpio, midheaven It’s never enough Ares never answers The Keres were busy Sic the furies Make them wish for death Nothing of them left Make them wish for death Nothing of them left No such thing as a full moon 3 nights in a row The writings on the wall Pick any card You’d wish a sky burial To make the gods kind Level the playing ground It’s not a game of chance Mars exalts in Capricorn Swear on all you love It’s never enough to prevent the jade Material slave, no Venus in eighth Then the snake biting & striking itself Just for the taste, vile and wicked The rabbit jumps into the fire You won’t rest until your dead Ares never answers The Keres were busy Sic the furies Make them wish for death Nothing of them left Make them wish for death Nothing of them left

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released September 19, 2020

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A Flower in Disguise Ohio

Singer/songwriter/producer/visual artist and writer.
Making experimental music

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