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Archaic Convent

by A Flower in Disguise

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1.
My Love 02:19
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2.
Ethereal 05:44
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For its freedom and its disloyalty My own work intimidates me All I’ve done with a dangerous imagination Dominoing, through days barely awake Turned my attention back at me Fiending though nothing is distracting enough It embodies me so I call it myself backfiring A new acid burns my heart Withdrawn, I sleep in my thoughts In the courtyard of relics Beyond your pawn’s ambition I lend my voice Possessed my throat open miming strong emotion I self-destruct Is this hurt really mine? I brought the ethereal to terrify Melting smiles Wrapping it’s arms over my chest Latched to my heart, jumping til it hung itself I tried to be distracted but nothing could mask it Happiness hanging in the balance Lost in the longest instant A restless soul seeking haven A root for my passion That craves and rages as much as I do Give it what it needs Questioning what I could see through my tears Black as blood, disguised as love Caught up in fantasy of who I’d be if I were ever happy Won’t she stay with me Blackness gathering take me apart Feed me to the dark Gruesome affection, set me free Consuming all I know to be My truth bleeds through Is this hurt really mine? Because it hurts to my heart I brought the ethereal to terrify A new acid burns my heart Withdrawn, I sleep in my thoughts In the courtyard of relics Beyond your pawn’s ambition I lend my voice Possessed my throat open miming strong emotion I self-destruct Is this hurt really mine? I brought the ethereal to terrify Melting smiles Wrapping it’s arms over my chest Latched to my heart, jumping til it hung itself I tried to be distracted but nothing could mask it Happiness hanging in the balance Lost in the longest instant
3.
Brokenhearted 02:45
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Back to where we started Brokenhearted you knew it wasn’t true It wasn’t you And you knew better Black and blue Back to where we started So, brokenhearted I guess it makes sense It’s my fault I never told you The bad feeling grew Sick to think about you So cruel Torture myself with dreams that don’t come true People that don’t come through Don’t know why I do it but I do I can’t blame you And it breaks me Back to where we started Brokenhearted you knew it wasn’t true It wasn’t you And you knew better Black and blue Back to where we started So, brokenhearted Back to where we started So, brokenhearted It’s my fault I never told you The bad feeling grew Torture myself with dreams that don’t come true People that don’t come through Don’t know why I do it but I do Nowhere to turn to Nowhere to run I can’t blame it on you And it breaks me And it makes me Brokenhearted Back to where we started I guess it makes sense  
4.
I Don't Dream Anymore 03:08
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Holding my peace, lost my pride Cursed my sanctified, every night Just waiting to die I’ve been staring at the sky I can’t tell you why I don’t recognize myself My heart plagued Each beat an encore I’ll regret My heart plagued Each beat an encore I’ll regret Because I can’t make you see So, I drink every tear, a crying noose Hm a quiet symphony There’s never an answer Cause splendor days never come I’ve fallen numb to the sunshine Preaching like the sunrays reaching I can barely stomach the thoughts I learned to ignore Because I don’t dream anymore Nothing shines anymore I thought I couldn’t hurt worse But now I hope this is the kiss of death The butterflies never left I’m still holding my breath Nothing shines anymore I thought I couldn’t hurt worse I tried to wash myself pure, born again I tried to bleed the ache I don’t want to hear it will get better Because I lost my best interest when I believed Now the sky could crush me And I’d be thankful Because I can’t make you see Prayers, dreams, nightmares and fantasies Schemed to repress Because I don’t dream anymore Not like before Prayers, dreams, nightmares and fantasies Schemed to repress, hoping, coping Because I don’t dream anymore Not like before I can barely stomach the thoughts I learned to ignore  
5.
Sleeping with my Eyes Open 03:59
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There’s a haunting serenity in your voice A serenity that makes me torpid Paralyzed with sensation Waiting for a reaction you won’t get from me Sleeping with my eyes open But urgency pulled me awake And away from the solace sleep whisked me to Touching an untouchable place By the tug of a rope between last night’s embrace Fear missing a beautiful day where faith might show itself To a blank, I can’t fill Knocking a way out There’s nothing they can do Aversion stops me from sharing my dreams with you Riddled by a constant fear A dread I can’t remove They ask what they can do And all I think is leave There’s nothing they can give me Nothing they can do Dressed in reverie Ephemeral ecstasies Everything bears me drowning in all I see Don’t steal these things from me I can’t describe me Mine are eyes I can’t meet Though dressed in reverie Describe me, please find me Why’s the devil in the detail? In every detail I called my first doll angel As I lay guarding you I dig in every tear with my fingers Buried there in me with no name No cure just the pain Reverberating distorted memories What makes me worthwhile Creeping solemn this eerie heartbeat Why’s the devil in the detail? In every detail? One with my shadow self Hm this body a prison Hapless someday someone will listen Even angels are terrifying Sleeping with my eyes open But urgency pulled me awake And away from the solace sleep whisked me to Touching an untouchable place By the tug of a rope between last night’s embrace Fear missing a beautiful day where faith might show itself To a blank, I can’t fill Knocking a way out
6.
Cage 04:35
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Blind the air so thick On the edge of no escape They say have faith But I feel my heart less and less Just a weight in my chest Desperation streaks my face The floor calls my name Dimming to accommodate the mood All their attempts hardened my heart to a wrecking ball Unrelenting destruction to construct An explanation for what I can’t explain I cracked my head to handle you with care Get it through your head Yet to find the immaculate in the elaborate The flaws still scream at me I destroy myself beautifully I don’t call it secret But I’d like to keep it to myself I don’t call it secret But I’d like to keep it safe I don’t handle myself well I don’t play nice The animal in my body has no ego Falling tender wolf once again I am bruised I am bruised I feel my heart less and less Just a weight in my chest, empty The cage sings A miserable heaven I’ve seen In only hymns like a bird with light under its wings Dismantling the mystery of all things A weight in my chest, empty The cage sings empty Trying to speak without eating my words They have faith, it’s too much for me I’ve done as I was told, pretty doesn’t please I hug the walls, I am a tricky thing This grip is cold I can’t stand your trust You believe in me it’s too much Seeking, leaking things to care for The meaning in anything That’s nothing, everything and so much more And more things to care for I feel my heart less and less Just a weight in my chest, empty The cage sings A miserable heaven I’ve seen Gut me and give me the sugar The cage sings A miserable heaven I’ve seen In only hymns like a bird with light under its wings Dismantling the mystery of all things A weight in my chest, empty The cage sings empty Trying to speak without eating my words The flaws still scream at me I destroy myself beautifully I don’t call it secret But I’d like to keep it to myself I don’t call it secret But I’d like to keep it safe
7.
Heaven 04:21
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A word of encouragement Hold your tongue The air fed my burning lungs Exhaust my melancholy Too exhausted to nourish a dream And baby is mean, I feel her suffering Once a upon a time the victim came first Ripe the truth cost the whole universe Time has taken the innocence of youth Gambling with immortality Just another fatality I’ve seen Cliché like movie screens Life’s a dream and its not for me Bowing out gracefully Heaven what about me? Heaven what about me Soared with the birds The heavens finally heard my words They kept me warm, a wish that burned Oh, I lit my dreams on fire I thought it would make me stronger Because they’ll go higher and higher Then I can see to ever be See I can be a beautiful body But it doesn’t mean that I belong Just another lonely heart song Built to sink like stone Temples crack like bones, oh sticks and stones Singing to the shadows going over home I want to shed my skin of the wasted youth Weening myself black and blue Cut out the part that beats Open heart the eyes that eat The eyes that eat Once a upon a time the victim came first Ripe the truth cost the whole universe Time has taken the innocence of youth Gambling with immortality Just another fatality I’ve seen Cliché like movie screens Life’s a dream and its not for me Bowing out gracefully Heaven what about me? Heaven what about me? Soared with the birds The heavens finally heard my words They kept me warm, a wish that burned Oh, I lit my dreams on fire I thought it would make me stronger Because they’ll go higher and higher Then I can see to ever be The air fed my burning lungs Weening myself black and blue And the wishes burned Cut out the part that beats And the wishes burned Open heart the eyes that eat The eyes that eat
8.
Love is a Legend 06:11
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Oh, I have a bad feeling The clouds won’t be soft enough I won’t ever be light enough, enough I suffer from even the wind’s blow Their essence stays where they don’t remain Oh, a bad taste pushes me to further abstain It seems only to afflict me this way Stealing the light I don’t speak it, but I wish it would finally defeat me Reinforcing my base instinct, let it be final You sicken me, so beautiful So beautiful until he spoke Breaking goosebumps of fantasy Upon his touch to dust Contorted ideas from under the bed Stripped I am seldom a pleasure Of the many women of the world’s harem Who feed their gaze? Their bodies a language all their own A language I read from his lips Poetry sewn throughout her opaque Love is a legend That nostalgic place they talk about like heaven Where only the best come, only the best ones That palace in the sky Faith in which we rely Where do we go from here? Do we just… Do we just disappear? The clouds parted and forever started The clouds parted and forever started But I was too preoccupied in reverie Missed you right before my eyes, amplifying my fears You extinguish me without trying No denying I surrender to your love But I was too preoccupied in reverie To free me of this misery Intoxicated by fantasy Perplexed one minute turned the next Hexed and endless In love we were made I pray we stay Til the end of days Love is a legend That nostalgic place they talk about like heaven Where only the best come, only the best ones That palace in the sky Faith in which we rely Where do we go from here? Do we just… Do we just disappear? The clouds parted and forever started The clouds parted and forever started But I was too preoccupied in reverie Missed you right before my eyes, amplifying my fears You extinguish me without trying No denying I surrender to your love Tell me your arms are forever open To the questions as the stars fold in Trapped secrets in my skin Reluctant my dreams defeat me Wisely my heart has escaped me But there’s laughter amongst our swords Love is a legend That nostalgic place they talk about like heaven Where only the best come, only the best ones Known ever since I was young Only the best ones That palace in the sky Where the angels cry You could just die You could just die The clouds parted and forever started Love is a legend Love is a legend
9.
Air of Diasaster 03:41
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Heaven has come and gone Taking back our acquaintance Time and time again like a carousel turning Bury me standing this journey is never ending I decay in everything I’m gathering This journey is never ending But I thought I was more But I thought I was more Euphoria descending Stop pretending you’re not buried alive I died a thousand times, so I feel nothing softly And I still dream about you sitting right beside you Arise the same attraction Exiled to this distance What is the name of the unattainable? Fire the phoenix air of disaster Catch wind of smoke to earth a trespasser Deserted in your hugs, cold to the touch Why do I feel so hard to love? Why do I feel so hard to love? But I thought I was more than hips and lips You deserve to be kissed Matured me, now I smother my beloved Starve fast my love Die slow my love Renew my faith Carrion hush my woes I smother my beloved and he deludes me Buried in life, too far gone Gargling my feelings, back to my eyes Break the ice Arise the same attraction Exiled to this distance What is the name of the unattainable? Fire the phoenix air of disaster Catch wind of smoke to earth a trespasser Deserted in your hugs, cold to the touch Why do I feel so hard to love? Why do I feel so hard to love? Starve fast my love Die slow my love Renew my faith Carrion hush my woes I smother my beloved and he deludes me Buried in life, too far gone Gargling my feelings, back to my eyes Break the ice
10.
Marble Sky 05:10
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The sight of a dream so disheartening This picturesque scene seems to mock misery so blissfully I’ve been out of love longer than I can remember I can’t digest happiness and closeness I can’t process The clouds parted and I saw no end to me Everyone’s strange in their dreams Nothing can save us Brace for your touch Shiver the blood rush I feel your bones when we touch Nothing can save us from ourselves Nothing can save us Letters in the sky a metaphor you and I How we’re never going to survive to rival the marble sky It’ll crush us and we’ll die, die, die The double-edged sword of faith So heavy in arms, on tip toes the skinniest of loves A monument of blood Dreams will reign with penalty Wanting you was suicide, believing in lies You I fantasize dreaming of you when I close my eyes My everything all that I dreamed Living in a make-believe land Something to believe in Begging give me reason The thought of you and I The reason I rise faith in which we rely Seeing you in my eyes, tears run dry Gave me faith, made me feel Wanting you was suicide, believing in lies You I fantasize dreaming of you when I close my eyes My everything all that I dreamed Living in a make-believe land Something to believe in Begging give me reason Letters in the sky a metaphor you and I How we’re never going to survive to rival the marble sky It’ll crush us and we’ll die, die, die Souls will rise to face the gates Truth fall our fates, come to late My heart grew heavier and heavier Until it sank Nothing can save us So heavy in arms, on tip toes the skinniest of loves A part of me wants to believe But sometimes I forget to breath Part of me never stopped grieving Oh, the penalties of dreaming, dreaming oh A monument of blood Dreams will reign with penalty Making love in my dreams no it wasn’t me Crying in my dreams No, it wasn’t me but my body attempting to scream Begging give me reason
11.
Purity 03:54
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This happiness I’ve found with you Has dug a deeper grave than I can fill Yet I love you still I channel all my energy And it leaves me so empty But I know it’s meant to be, No other serves me Really who deserves me? Purity forsaken God invade me, I am your lowly lady in waiting. For a heaven to be made for me, imploding I am your Marie You’ve done well of burying my heart before me A mistress to death these words have winded me Raise my voice for me Raise my voice for me Let me be your angel This happiness I’ve found with you Has dug a deeper grave than I can fill Destroyed my appetite for life Sorry I can’t rewrite history To put together you and me I was too slow Yet I love you still There are few and far in between And just in case we don’t amount to anything You were everything You were everything Purity forsaken God invade me, I am your lowly lady in waiting. For a heaven to be made for me, imploding I am your Marie You’ve done well of burying my heart before me A mistress to death these words have winded me Raise my voice for me Raise my voice for me Let me be your angel I never had anything but my whole life The necessary evil I know as sleep I force myself to eat but all I taste is the guilt I don’t get the last laugh, but I make mine last Thinking of the end but never stopping The fear is always there Please don’t follow me here  
12.
Forlorn 05:17
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Never left a mark Where have your hands been? Calloused where you touch me Blistered it doesn’t mean anything, emotional hybrid Come closer, come closer Kill the feeling, I’m falling for you I still feel you living Where have your hands been? Calloused where you touch me Blistered it doesn’t mean anything Tempting emotion from me That may never mean anything Except notes of illness The best and the worst at once the same thing Come closer, come closer Kill the feeling, I’m falling for you I still feel you living He took something that wasn’t his And I have to live with it There’s method to a man Bravado I understand but you melt to stone And I’m forlorn when your tenderness is gone Your tenderness is gone Eyes fawn And I’m guarded I can’t accept your complement I withdrew and withdrew And haven’t seen myself since A fast for no religion I apologize a thousand times with these tears that never dry I keep my smile a secret You can’t claim this glory Glittering in my bones like marrow The beauty I can’t recognize The beauty my own demise Lost in my reflection Another disenchantment for the jadedness A paradise forbidden Glittering in my bones like marrow The beauty I can’t recognize The beauty my own demise Lost in my reflection I seek a killing truth Holding up the sky Pretty helps to imprison self The castle was a jail Lies your fairytales He took something that wasn’t his And I have to live with it There’s method to a man Bravado I understand but you melt to stone And I’m forlorn when your tenderness is gone Your tenderness is gone Eyes fawn And I’m guarded I can’t accept your complement I withdrew and withdrew And haven’t seen myself since A fast for no religion I apologize a thousand times with these tears that never dry I keep my smile a secret Somewhere in the passion I lost it Crowded in my head The definition to this umbrella of sorrow Glittering in my bones like marrow A fast for no religion I apologize a thousand times with these tears that never dry I keep my smile a secret You can’t claim this glory Cause you can’t count my scars Not for the faint of heart Cause you can’t count my scars Not for the faint of heart I am home with blood and smoke
13.
Archaic Convent 04:53
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I give in, unfulfilled Let the hunger kill Discomfort be still, discomfort be still You laugh when I cry, accepting shame Admitting it’s engrained Take the name, pondering a body’s sigh The poet has arrived in ecstasy I had to let god go I asked for too much A pity she cried, skin to hide No touch feels right The things you hide, among the hidden Among the lies, lies A pity he could love me I don’t know what to show A pity she cried, move me Looking for validation from the sky Heart exploits you Happiness indebted to my guilt You make me feel needy Oh Holy avenue All the eyes follow you All the eyes talk to you Wearing the world on me This body as a consequence, marked reticence By design lonely in line for wings Living on my knees, wincing when I breath The time dictates me, the walls shape me So, I give you my deprivation A feeble body is an archaic convent Stained glass is law if you’re scarred enough I work not to squander a single tear or burden a body near I gut myself and savor the commodity I had to let go of god, I had asked too much A pity she cried, skin to hide The things you hide, among the hidden Among the lies A pity he could love me I don’t know what to show A pity she cried, move me Looking for validation from the sky Heart exploits you Happiness indebted to my guilt You make me feel needy Oh holy avenue All the eyes follow you All the eyes talk to you But until then all words ending like the last Holding my own alone But I’m banking on the clouds Morning dew ain’t left ooh Heaven is overdue Coming down Every word is the title Stands alone like the one at the end But until then all words ending like the last Holding my own alone But I’m banking on the clouds But I’m banking on the clouds Coming down
14.
Sensibilities 05:17
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Others make a heart feel cheap Think twice before you speak to me I’m ashamed they sing my name It’s hard to believe Drunk with abstinence So shallow but a fall could kill Tell me my mind isn’t ill Be patient with me Others make a heart feel cheap Others make a heart feel cheap Ruined another beautiful thing You are the creature You are the sin God of everything It’s not safe to say All or nothing Got me scared to breath All or nothing Got me scared to breath Suffered to no end to me I know where this leads I cherish what I can Delicate sensibilities But care has ruined me I lost you in love I gave up myself Stapled in my mind In the tiptoe of the quiet Can you handle me? Brought my senses to a high Deep inside I could go without talking for weeks My-my delicate sensibilities It’s not safe to say Lashed with caution They sing my name The error for your eyes another disgrace Drew the blood to my face All or nothing Got me scared to breath All or nothing Got me scared to breath Suffered to no end to me I know where this leads I cherish what I can But care has ruined me I lost you in love I gave up myself Sleeping with angels Dancing with ghost Aren’t you dying to know? Revolted by my own emotion The thought an act of devotion Shuttering guilt Hurdles over bliss It’s come to this I break myself to bear it My arteries still hold you, close Self-diagnosis My bed is one of thorns and roses My bed is one of thorns and roses Revolted by my own emotion The thought an act of devotion Shuttering guilt Hurdles over bliss I die slow When I woke and you aren’t in my arms The deceit of light and the dark Endlessly my heart is yours Open your heart And watch it burst Full of empty Let me steal your breath The ecstasy of the wound I’ll give it back Coming to Sleeping with angels Dancing with ghost Stapled in my mind In the tiptoe of the quiet Can you handle me? Brought my senses to a high Deep inside I could go without talking for weeks My-my delicate sensibilities Others make a heart feel cheap Scared to hurt again Suffering to no end All or nothing Got me scared to breath But care has ruined me I lost you in love I gave up myself They don’t know what to do with me And I agree Got me scared to breath But care has ruined me I lost you in love I gave up myself
15.
What Happy Endings Look Like 04:00
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The sky is red, the moon is blue Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you I wish to bed to the sky Speak to it muffle my bodies screams to it While no ones listening But if you do, you’ll know me too well I wish I was born once Still waiting for ignorance to come Knowledge you can’t run from I wish I could die once I wish I didn’t grieve like I bleed Love wasn’t a need The sun and the moon were one I never need malady Leave me heart melody It’s not you it’s me It’s not you it’s me I avoid your touch Can’t fathom your thoughts I avoid your touch, I cover myself And bred an evil love And bred an evil love I said too much, an evil love A conversation of what happy endings look like Pleasure & pain Branded by a kiss Melted on your hands Unleashing myself on you Unleashing my fears on you To drown you, drown you out I always feel underdressed The glass is always half empty So, I envy the blind man Because the details hurt I envy the deaf Because the details hurt And I don’t know what’s worse Starving on your empty words It’s not you it’s me It’s not you it’s me The sky is red, the moon is blue Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you Heaven isn’t supposed to haunt you I avoid your touch Can’t fathom your thoughts I avoid your touch, I cover myself And bred an evil love And bred an evil love I said too much, an evil love A conversation of what happy endings look like No goodbyes, no goodbyes No husband, no wife So, I envy, envy, envy Starving on your empty words
16.
Blue Moonlight 04:01
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I should have been softer Plagued by guilt my heart beats harder Is the moon blue Searching for a coffin for two Love is that you? Was it true? Was it true? When I think about you Even when I close my eyes A part of me dies Curls up and cries Telling beautiful lies To protect from your beautiful lies That this is paradise Like lullabies You’re the only hope I have to survive I’d be honored if you broke my heart Never felt right, but to die by your side Dancing in the blue moonlight You can’t cuddle a corpse My disposition is worse Is the moon blue Searching for a coffin for two Love is that you? Was it true? Was it true? When I think about you Even when I close my eyes A part of me dies Curls up and cries Telling beautiful lies To protect from your beautiful lies That this is paradise Like lullabies You’re the only hope I have to survive I’d be honored if you broke my heart Never felt right, but to die by your side Dancing in the blue moonlight

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released July 1, 2020

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A Flower in Disguise Ohio

Singer/songwriter/producer/visual artist and writer.
Making experimental music

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