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Heart Cultures (EP)

by A Flower in Disguise

/
1.
Rest as practice for death Lauded by the vultures, gnawed by the wild It’s infested my blood, seasoned the earth At last my body is soft enough, light enough The wings that flocked my heart kaleidoscope through me The murder lifting Transformation surpassing the wishful death of ego Immortal hunger holds my soul by reigns Harping strings of my veins, bones snapping At every toll a whip strikes, a match of fire Too much passion Nothing is wasted, not all is lost Born lethal, made protection, saints waged Nothing is wasted, not all is lost Blessings and veneration bade Rest as practice for death Lauded by the vultures, gnawed by the wild It’s infested my blood, seasoned the earth At last my body is soft enough, light enough The wings that flocked my heart kaleidoscope through me The murder lifting off and I carry you with me Unsheathed, the smithed bones of mine to blade At every finger a flame , chalked up to the afterlife But this hunger is ceaseless, restless never dies Gleaming ribs of saber, sworn to fall by vows Transformation surpassing the wishful death of ego Immortal hunger holds my soul by reigns Harping strings of my veins, bones snapping Just out of frame of national geographic At every toll a whip strikes, a match of fire Too much passion Nothing is wasted, not all is lost Born lethal, made protection, saints waged Nothing is wasted, not all is lost Blessings and veneration bade Unsheathed, the smithed bones of mine to blade At every finger a flame, chalked up to the afterlife But this hunger is ceaseless, restless never dies Gleaming ribs of saber, sworn to fall by vows
2.
Talked down with shovels and told me I’m troubled They say they’re saving me? But faith is what broke me But the waiting is what woke me up From what forced me closed Made me lonely as it stood me up A stranger so estranged to features in the same place Fuck the tropes, the hero of the story, the underdog’s glory, a glow up And the applause because in my dreams I’ve seen and felt the balloons fall They said the floors are hard on the knees I held my breath until I was too blue in the head Red in the face and eyes is what all the crying will do Sticks and stones, but my brain’s beaten black and blue I held my breath until I bled myself of you, bled myself of you From the green veins, I belong to the dirt You are at page one of my story Rolling me in my grave Skull caved, the sockets ruined, by the stoning My teeth all missing from my mouth Before you know what I’m about Before you see me Talked down with shovels and told me I’m troubled They say they’re saving me? The waiting is what woke me up From what forced me closed Made me lonely as it stood me up The kiss if of true love, taste of freedom A stranger so estranged to features in the same place Fuck the tropes, the hero of story, the underdog’s glory, a glow up And the applause because in my dreams I’ve seen and felt the balloons fall They said the floors are hard on the knees I held my breath until I was too blue in the head Red in the face and eyes is what all the crying will do Sticks and stones, but my brain’s beaten black and blue I held my breath until I bled myself of you, bled myself of you From the green veins, I belong to the dirt You are at page one of my story Rolling me in my grave
3.
It’s not silent treatment I’m speechless I had to sleep to reach it I had to sleep to reach it Like a fall from the rooftop Overacting but I won’t stop It hurt but I made it worth it The tearing without the horses Pulled everyway Everything floods me, with no warning Self-punishment How I got that frost bite To bring the heat in the winter The ice of my blood, the ice made from the blood in my heart It was cold then it was numb, stalactites icy hot through me It’s not silent treatment I’m speechless I had to sleep to reach it I had to sleep to reach it Like a fall from the rooftop Overacting but I won’t stop I didn’t want to wake up It hurt like you meant it It hurt like I thought It’s easier done than said Fallen so many times, there’s nothing left to shed It’s in vain to try and fix it It hurt but I made it worth it The tearing without the horses Pulled everyway Everything floods me, with no warning I held on too long to the wrong thing, forgetting A leg per path, shoulder for each personality A backbone to stand alone An arm to reach but never capture Self-punishment, no How I got that frost bite To bring the heat in the winter The ice of my blood, the ice made from the blood in my heart It was cold then it was numb, stalactites icy hot through me icy hot
4.
I’m the antithesis of all of this No comforting ideas appear Sleeping with my arms crossed Protecting my vitals Guarding my throat From what god only knows What stands over me Jumping to feel light, rising It’s the fluttering The last beats left in my heart Like the wings How a child has such dark premonitions Knowing I just sit with it I’m the antithesis of all of this The balance shifted The dark and light retreated I am the grey space that is needed Jumping to feel light, rising It’s the fluttering The last beats left in my heart Like the wings How a child has such dark premonitions Knowing I just sit with it Looking myself up it’s an endless search Ignore the twinges The little grimaces The hiccups and the images Fight the tears that all surface No comforting ideas appear Guarding my throat From what god only knows What stands over me
5.
Drug on by time unimaginable Written with a light hand Faintly dreams pantomime Passing in a flash as cars headlights The scenes dance frantic To aged tattoos Wishing my heart dry But every day I’ve been crying Looking for the last of the change in the valves Ransacking the chambers Shaking upside down I still hear the dripping sound The trickle now Well-seasoned by salt A new angle But the one I seek to visit never returns Oh, I harbor this torture I guess I choose abandonment Feeding the dear of the underground Wishing my heart dry But every day I’ve been crying Looking for the last of the change in the valves Ransacking the chambers Shaking upside down I still hear the dripping sound The trickle now
6.
I should have been worse Then maybe I’d deserve this feeling Dead inside And I can’t cry I can’t talk about it Locked up inside I should have been worse Then I’d deserve this treatment Dead inside Then maybe I’d deserve this feeling And I can’t cry I can’t talk about it Locked up inside Tension in my chest holds me unrest I should have talked back I should have pushed her harder, then stomped her out I should have lied to your face Heart cultures How I got to this place Composed of misunderstanding Played, portrayed and taken advantage of I should have been screaming I can’t find my horse in this race I tried to stay away But you found me Fingers crossed Common good in mind I forgot what on the line, I was on the line Could you give just too fucks for me Could you please? Why does it still hurt It was you on my mind I’m a burden but I’m trying I’m the one who still hurts I should have been worse Then maybe I’d deserve this feeling Dead inside And I can’t cry I can’t talk about it Locked up inside I should have been worse Then I’d deserve this treatment Dead inside Then maybe I’d deserve this feeling And I can’t cry I can’t talk about it Locked up inside Tension in my chest holds me unrest I should have talked back I should have pushed her harder, then stomped her out I should have lied to your face Why did I apologize?

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released January 24, 2021

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A Flower in Disguise Ohio

Singer/songwriter/producer/visual artist and writer.
Making experimental music

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