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T​+​HE​/​AR​-​T (EP)

by A Flower in Disguise

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1.
Civil 04:33
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The blows fall short But I feel the effort behind them So loud are sounds Too fragile are my bones Burning like acid in my blood I’ve run out of things to count My discomfort makes itself known Too short of arms Another day guarded Plotting the next attack I’m not the one with a knife behind my back I’m back to shame, the corners The rocks where I am dashed Back to the wall, flowers, wallflowers, and ballerinas I’m invaded Come to make me civil But I am my own kind Let me remind you I am my own kind We both bleed inside I cherished your heart as my own, irreplaceable That’s why I leave you alone You award me backhanded The consolation you give to me Is nothing to celebrate Becoming someone I hate Doing things I don’t believe in I’ve run out of things to count My discomfort makes itself known Too short of arms Another day guarded Plotting the next attack I’m not the one with a knife behind my back I’m back to shame, the corners The rocks where I am dashed Back to the wall, flowers, wallflowers and ballerinas I’m invaded Come to make me civil But I am my own kind Let me remind you I am my own kind You bend the rules because they serve you But I was right the whole time I am my own kind Let me remind you
2.
Playing Go with Cupid's Crossbow 04:13
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New hues of rose tint the glass Whiter the tearstains How bloody? How bloody is Carrie? How bloody is Mary? Pale to Vlad The tracks on my back The seat of my spine Too good it’s bad, so bad it’s good The context removed All the ways misunderstood An art this war of avengement For suffers of another time Playing Go with cupid’s crossbow Revenge for the he/art For the he/art, compassion Reassurance I’m still breathing My heart is still beating I’m fighting to feel, alive For the right How to continue How bloody? How bloody is Carrie? How bloody is Mary? Pale to Vlad Pale to black Back to the dark in the hole The exile of Lilith The murder of Medusa The conspirators of Rosemary The destruction of Kali A crime of passion The tracks on my back The seat of my spine Too good it’s bad, so bad it’s good The context removed All the ways misunderstood What would you do? An art this war of avengement For suffers of another time Playing Go with cupid’s crossbow Revenge for the he/art For the he/art, compassion Reassurance I’m still breathing My heart is still beating I’m fighting to feel, alive For the right
3.
Love Starved the Devil Side 04:59
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Goes by many names It’s not a demon, or monster You can keep away I put it metaphorically Manipulate the story It’s the artist way of anti-heroinism So, you can handle it against the grain A cute little name, masking my pain Give personification to what you won’t say Could be what’s killing me What I live with everyday Held it in and pretend living through them Today Nina’s blackbird, tomorrow it’s Edgar’s raven Love starved the devil side, comfort deprived the devil side Driven further into isolation Fear smiles and terror laughs I’m the problem Put the mask back Passive in agreement You conditioned me Held it in and pretend It’s not happening, not this again But normal is an illusion And I am a child of chaos and stand neutral Conditioned me to equate love with pain The loss is ever growing Held it in and pretend It’s not happening, not this again Normal is an illusion And I am a child of chaos and stand neutral So, you can handle it against the grain A cute little name, masking my pain Give personification to what you won’t say Could be what’s killing me What I live with everyday Held it in and pretend living through them Today Nina’s blackbird, tomorrow it’s Edgar’s raven Love starved the devil side, comfort deprived the devil side Driven further into isolation Fear smiles and terror laughs I’m the problem Put the mask back Love starved the devil side Driven further into isolation Fear smiles and terror laughs I’m the problem Put the mask back So, you can sleep tight with the lights on Hold your god’s and monsters tight It’s not a demon You can keep away I put it metaphorically Manipulate the story
4.
Thrones in the Graveyard/Garden 05:10
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The dead woke me Watering the garden with tears and weather The dead don’t rest peacefully They told me It’s wishful thinking, god it makes me uneasy The world has a face that’s enchanted The dead don’t rest peacefully It’s wishful thinking You can’t stop the body snatchers, the skinners You can’t stop the grave robbers Or the reanimation, oh those buried alive The human butchers It’s selfish to miss so I stay selfless by I wish and wish Lost in the outcry Oh, patron Patron, see me Only thrones in the graveyard Only red moons when it’s dark The dead woke me Move me. giving me all this energy Watering the garden with tears and weather The dead don’t rest peacefully They told me It’s wishful thinking, god it makes me uneasy The world has a face that’s enchanted The dead don’t rest peacefully It’s wishful thinking You can’t stop the body snatchers, the skinners You can’t stop the grave robbers Or the reanimation, oh those buried alive The human butchers Ready to take a life Ready to die It plays out over and over in my eyes Like a factory line It’s selfish to miss so I stay selfless and I wish and wish Lost in the outcry Oh, patron Patron, see me Only thrones in the graveyard Only red moons when it’s dark I cling to you, no you’re not mine But jealously got me, lonely for you only Words from the part of me I forgot I know I don’t deserve you You belong to yourself and no one else But who do they make you out to be A part of everyone, but a heart isn’t cheap I let you sleep but you always answer me in the garden In the garden I’m special, I’m seen
5.
Craft This Love - Alone 04:17
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Doing very well on my own Let the need override the reluctance, the fear I had to craft this love And I relapse every chance Too conscientious, too sensitive Thought of the worst, made overprotective Truth can’t defeat the feeling, and it stays But with alexithymia I can’t recognize it Trapped reliving the same moments It’s always happening Finally seen and I still hide A trail of breadcrumbs Wise, tricky, and brave What she lacks in age, she makes up for in sadness What she lacks in age, she makes up for in fantasy It’s for the best, let’s make believe What else was there to do Who would I be if not me Doing very well on my own Let the need override the reluctance I had to craft this love And I relapse every chance To where its save to dream, free of me But the good scars like the bad things Like maladaptive daydreams Making me wish I never had them It’s for the best left anhedonic What else was there to do The choice was made for me It’s for the best Nothing you can do about it It’s still nameless Finally seen and I still hide A trail of breadcrumbs Wise, tricky, and brave What she lacks in age, she makes up for in sadness What she lacks in age, she makes up for in fantasy It’s for the best, let’s make believe What else was there to do No ones coming and I can’t wait any longer Let the need override what I’m giving up All I’ve known I had to craft this love alone
6.
The Hole in My Head 05:16
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Always too close to home Stay looking out the window Where will I go Where nobody knows me I still cry like the days in your shadow It’s the weight around my ankles Pushing and pulling me back Thrown up by earth Did the victim come first It shouldn’t happen, regurgitation Thrown up by earth Walled up and sealed the door I only live on the floor With goosebumps while my heart thumps Leave the bad alone, so I’m abandoned Normalcy makes it seem not as bad as it really was Not self-pity if others tell me Its okay, it’s really okay It’s really not that bad I can’t see how sad With my hands clasped tight in my lap Mistaking sympathy for love Bonding over broken understanding I still can’t comprehend the warmth of your hands Then you twist the knife the same So, I’m wound up, tight So high-strung, I’m the one With the hole in my head dug straight from the amygdala Many miles down 100 layers, 1,000 forms Walled up and sealed the door I only live on the floor With goosebumps while my heart thumps Leave the bad alone, so I’m abandoned The mouse chews down to my pit less heart The hole is endless They told me thick skin The buffer, oh a target like a punching bag Never my issue always labeled the problem With the hole in my head dug straight from the amygdala Many miles down 100 layers, 1,000 forms Walled up and sealed the door I only live on the floor With goosebumps while my heart thumps Leave the bad alone, so I’m abandoned

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released February 17, 2021

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A Flower in Disguise Ohio

Singer/songwriter/producer/visual artist and writer.
Making experimental music

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